Mixed Messages

Mixed Messages

MIXED MESSAGES AMONG GENERATIONS

While there is a genuine love and fondness between grandparents, parents and grandchildren, often communication is difficult because of the generation gap. As a grandmother, I know I'm somewhat dismayed as my grandkids get tattoed and I really don't understand how piercings in eyebrows, cheeks, nose and tongue can be considered attractive. Of course to my grandchildren I'm just old fashioned.

Unfortunately the "generation gap" extends to our verbal communication as well. I can remember when my grandchildren were taking a walk with grandpa... all barefooted. Grandpa turned to the oldest one and said, "Will you run back to the house and get my thongs?"

As all the grandchildren gasped, grandpa quickly figured out that his definition of "thong" or flip-flops as they are called today, is quite different from the extremely brief panties that our kids and grandkids refer to as thongs today.

Grandparents often share with their granchildren how they had to walk miles to school in the cold of winter, while the kids may be dealing with issues that far exceed anything their grandparents or parents could imagine.

To help overcome misunderstandings and to better relate to the challenges each generation faces/faced, your family might try this exercise... Now and Then.

Invite members of different generations to participate -- kids, parents and grandparents. Once you've gathered, have your group respond to the questions, one at a time. Remember to include the emotional element to your answers. By doing this each member will start to understand that along with being different, there are many similarities between the generations. For example, the feelings a person experiences when falling in love, or losing a loved one.

NOW & THEN

  1. I love(d)/hate(d) being a teenager because ....'No, grandma, hashtags are not something you order with eggs.'
  2. My life is (was) stressful because ...
  3. My parents don't (didn't) understand that ...
  4. School is (was) ...
  5. Some of my friends are (were) ....
  6. My best friend is (was) ...
  7. I want(ed) to be ...
  8. I want(ed to go ...
  9. I would like (wanted) to buy ...
  10. My favorite thing to do is (was) ...
  11. My favorite movie is (was) ...
  12. A person I admire(d) is (was) ....
  13. My mom is (was) ...
  14. My dad is (was) ...
  15. My brothers and sisters are (were) ...
  16. I hate(d) doing ...
  17. I hate(d) going ....
  18. Life would be (have been) easier if ...
  19. My goals are (were) to ...
  20. If I could (have) change(d) one thing, it would be (have been) ...

Many of the questions are vague creating an opportunity to ask questions of each person. Be interested .... and non-judgement.

This exercise can create a bond, a real understanding between generations that will help members to appreciate and better understand the challenges faced by each.

 

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10 TIPS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

10 TIPS FOR RELATIONSHIPS

February is a great month to examine your relationship with the special person in your life. Often we find relationships lose their spark as time passes. Partners start taking each other for granted and begin dwelling on the negative traits of their significant other instead of the positive. Here's  a list of 10 Tips that I've put together that will help put the pizzazz back in your relationship, and more important... the respect.

 

10 Tips for a Successful Relationship

  • Don’t sweat the small stuff. There will be enough big things to worry about. Learn to let the little things slide.
  • Say I love you often. Don’t let a day go by without say these three simple words. Let there be no doubt in your partners mind that you mean it when you say it.
  • Take time for each other. There will be a lot of things in life that will demand your time. Plan a date night each week to ensure you spend quality time together.
  • Make your time together special. Take turns planning something different to do on date night… a moonlight hike, roller skating in the park, or a picnic on the beach. Go the extra mile to do activities that will build memories.
  • Enjoy having different opinions. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if everyone believed the same thing. Likewise, learn to appreciate your partners opinion, although different from yours.
  • Do the little unexpected things. It’s often the small things that make the biggest impact – a love you note on a pillow or in a lunch bucket, flowers for no reason, preparing an unexpected romantic meal, or giving your spouse a back rub when they’re tired or stressed.
  • Appreciate the things your significant other does for you. Often, couples get so caught up in daily routines, they forget to appreciate the things their spouse does for them. A simple thank you goes a long way. A nice I appreciate all you do for me note can make a person’s day seem a little brighter.
  • Compromise.It’s not about being right or wrong, it’s about reaching middle ground. Learn to compromise so that both you and your spouse can come out winners.
  • Don’t be afraid to say I’m sorry. Several friends have told me these two words are extremely hard for them to say. Saying your sorry doesn’t always mean you were wrong. Those two words can mean I’m sorry we had a fight over this, or I’m sorry I raised my voice. Perhaps it’s just being able to admit you aren’t perfect that makes you a little easier to live with.
  • Don’t say negative things about your partner to others. Always have his or her back, even when they may be wrong.

I encourage you to write your own list with the help of your partner. Make this the year to strengthen your relationship to ensure it lasts a lifetime. Feel free to add your Tips for a Successful Relationship in the comment section below.

    We'd love to hear from you.

 

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Thanks for Your Support

Thanks for Your Support

"Not everyone will make it to your future. Some people are just passing through to teach you lessons in life."

Reading this quote, I began reminiscing about the people in my past who have influenced me for the good and have added value to my life. Some have since passed away, while others are alive but live a distance away. Some I connect with on a yearly basis, while others I have lost all connection to. All have helped me become the person I am today and for that I am grateful. While the following list is not inclusive, I do want to pay tribute to these people and the others who have been a positive influence on me.

My mom and dad. Both are deceased but their influence will go on for generations. My dad didn't graduate from high school, but I thought he was the smartest man alive. He was a hard workers and good provider. He told me I could become anything I wanted and I believed him. My mother was very creative and an artist. I can never remember her talking bad about anyone. She was a true Christian. Both enjoyed outdoor activities and were excellent gardeners.

Irene... I started college when I was 37-years-old. In the sea of young students, I met a really great friend, Irene. We both were juggling homework with raising kids (she had three and I had six) she helped me find the time to laugh and enjoy our college experience.

Sharie is a friend who has always been there for me when times are hard. She showed up to help me out when my mother had her stroke. She was the one person who was there for me when I went through a divorce. We may not talk often and see each other even less, but I will always love and appreciate her.

Sydney is someone who seems like more of a sister to me than a friend. She and I have known and worked together for years and have had such fun times together... and arguments, just like sisters. However, she has always had my back. She is a perfectionist while I'm not. I appreciate her attention to detail.. although sometimes she really bugs me 🙂 Although we don't see each other often (it's been years) she will always have a special place in my heart.

I worked with Scott and when I decided I was going to college, he took me under his wing to  show me around campus and to help me get registered. He was such a great friend to my kids and me and I miss him.

As a young married couple, my now ex husband, Dan, taught me that I could do anything. We built and remodeled houses and he involved me with almost every aspect of construction. Although I was afraid of heights, he had me on the roof putting shingles on. When I said I didn't have the strength to lift a heavy beam up to the ceiling, he showed me how to do it. I appreciate him giving me the confidence to try everything.

As a struggling single mom, I managed to buy a house with only three finished bedrooms (I had six children living with me). One day I got a call from a contractor telling me he was going to finish my two, downstairs bedrooms. He said a friend of mine had hired him to do it but wouldn't tell me his name. I later found out who it was and still, to this day, appreciate this kind gesture.

Job hunting as a newly divorced mom was difficult. That's why I was so appreciative when Don gave me a job in his dairy. I learned how to homogenize, pasteurize, and bottle milk and then ran the small store when I was done. Along with a paycheck, this kind man and his wife Mary gave me a half beef, milk  and baked goodies to help me out. I will always remember how Don would come into the story and bag up some bread, eggs and milk. He would hold his finger to his lips saying, "Shhhhh, don't tell." He would then leave the groceries on the doorstep of a widow. He taught me that the best acts of kindness are done with no thought to the praise you receive. Don passed away last year and I'm sure he is getting his reward now.

This just touches on some of the people who have had an impact on my life. There are so many more that I need to include when writing my memories.

Who are some of the people who have influenced or supported you in your life? I hope you take the time to write about them.

Legacy Writing: Marriage is Challenging

Legacy Writing: Marriage is Challenging

My step son was married last weekend. As he stood hand-in-hand with his beautiful bride, I thought about the challenges they would face in the years ahead. Marriage is not easy.

I put together a list of things a couple can do to make sure their marriage lasts.  It's something I can give to each of my grandchild and great-grandchild when they are married.

10 Tips for a Successful Marriage

by Grandma Lynda

 

  1. Don’t sweat the small stuff. There will be enough big things to worry about. Learn to let the little things slide.
  2. Say I love you often. Don't let a day go by without say these three simple words. Let there be no doubt in your spouses mind that you mean it when you say it.
  3. Take time for each other. There will be a lot of things in life that will demand your time. Plan a date night each week to ensure you spend quality time together.
  4. Make your time together special. Take turns planning something different to do on date night... a moonlight hike, roller skating in the park, or a picnic on the beach. Go the extra mile to do activities that will build memories.
  5. Enjoy having different opinions. Can you imagine how boring the world would be if everyone believed the same thing. Likewise, learn to appreciate your partners opinion, although different from yours.
  6. Do the little unexpected things. It's often the small things that make the biggest impact – a love you note on a pillow or in a lunch bucket, flowers for no reason, preparing an unexpected romantic meal, or giving your spouse a back rub when they're tired or stressed.
  7. Appreciate the things your spouse does for you. Often, couples get so caught up in daily routines, they forget to appreciate the things their spouse does for them. A simple thank you goes a long way. A nice I appreciate all you do for me note can make a person's day seem a little brighter.
  8. Compromise.It's not about being right or wrong, it's about reaching middle ground. Learn to compromise so that both you and your spouse can come out winners.
  9. Don't be afraid to say I'm sorry. Several friends have told me these two words are extremely hard for them to say. Saying your sorry doesn't always mean you were wrong. Those two words can mean I'm sorry we had a fight over this, or I'm sorry I raised my voice. Perhaps it's just being able to admit you aren't perfect that makes you a little easier to live with.
  10. Don't say negative things about your spouse to others. Always have your spouses back, even when they may be wrong.

What can you add to this list? Or perhaps you have your own list. Please send your suggestions to info@yourlegacyyourlife.com and we’ll include some in a future newsletter.

Legacy Writing: Twenty Tips to Avoid a Divorce

Legacy Writing: Twenty Tips to Avoid a Divorce

In my blog last week, Ilisted things a couple could do to make their marriage last. Then I came across this one that went viral on the Internet - Marriage Advice I Wish I Would Have Had.

After being married to a woman he loved for 16 years, Gerald Rogers found himself going through a divorce. He wrote a list of  things he wish he would have done differently. It starts with:

1) Never stop courting. Never stop dating. NEVER EVER take that woman for granted. When you asked her to marry you, you promised to be that man that would OWN HER HEART and to fiercely protect it. This is the most important and sacred treasure you will ever be entrusted with. SHE CHOSE YOU. Never forget that, and NEVER GET LAZY in your love.

2) PROTECT YOUR OWN HEART. Just as you committed to being the protector of her heart, you must guard your own with the same vigilance. Love yourself fully, love the world openly, but there is a special place in your heart where no one must enter except for your wife. Keep that space always ready to receive her and invite her in, and refuse to let anyone or anything else enter there.

3) FALL IN LOVE OVER and OVER and OVER again. You will constantly change. You’re not the same people you were when you got married, and in five years you will not be the same person you are today. Change will come, and in that you have to re-choose each other everyday. SHE DOESN'T HAVE TO STAY WITH YOU, and if you don't take care of her heart, she may give that heart to someone else or seal you out completely, and you may never be able to get it back. Always fight to win her love just as you did when you were courting her.

The list includes 20 items and he ends with this summary:

In the end marriage isn't about happily ever after. It's about work. And a commitment to grow together and a willingness to continually invest in creating something that can endure eternity. Through that work, the happiness will come. Marriage is life, and it will bring ups and downs. Embracing all of the cycles and learning to learn from and love each experience will bring the strength and perspective to keep building, one brick at a time.

You can find the complete list at:http://jamesrusselllingerfelt.wordpress.com/2013/08/15/beautiful-advice-from-a-divorced-man-after-16-years-of-marriage/

What a great way for Mr. Rogers to help his posterity avoid the same mistakes he has made.  Make sure you share the wisdom you've gained throughout the years with future generations.

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